World Domination
Here, at the Minions4, we've always believed that fun comes before anything. After all, fun leads to happiness, happiness leads to...oh, forget it. I cannot say such philosophical things. Perhaps I should get Minion to write this out. In any case, the first fun thing we have here is, of course, the Emperor's plans for World Domination. Why are we showing you this? I'll leave that to you to figure out.Brad's Battle Plans
Spelling mistakes? There are spelling mistakes in there you say? Hah! We only wanted you to think there were spelling mistakes in there!
As our leader is considered by many worldwide juries as "crazy", we
(naturally) must set out to prove that these juries are, in fact,
totally correct! A number of things demonstrate this. Firstly, we have
confirmed that there is in fact, just a tiny little bit of blood in the
Emperor's sugar. Now, this may (or may not) be what you think it is.
You see, where the average human being has about five litres of blood
(which can be used for various...uh...nefarious purposes, as well as a
few standard "torture" purposes), our brave leader has instead 4.99
litres of sugar, and about 10 millilitres of blood. For those unfamiliar
with these measuremant terms, there are approximately X litres of blood
in a mile, where X is some rational number we don't care about.
All this sugar leads to some very interesting things happening. Some pictures of these events may be posted, with the Emperor's blessings.
Warning! What is described below is, in fact, extremely dangerous, and should not be attempted by anyone else, unless you are a world-class wrestling champion.
Last year, a number of people were baffled by these strange-looking impressions made in the snow banks around the campus. It seemed as if a large airplane had exploded overhead, and all the passengers landed in the snow around the campus. We can bring you an exclusive report that it was....what? I'm typing here, can't you see that? Well..when you put it that way. Damn! You got blood on my laptop! Now I have to turn it off and get it cleaned!...
Sorry about that folks. It seems I am no longer allowed to write about the antics of the group, as we will have given away too many secrets. I guess you'll just have to figure out the rest from here.
All this sugar leads to some very interesting things happening. Some pictures of these events may be posted, with the Emperor's blessings.
Warning! What is described below is, in fact, extremely dangerous, and should not be attempted by anyone else, unless you are a world-class wrestling champion.
The Slingshot
At first, this sounds rather simple and mundane, but (as only the Minions4 could do) it is turned into something incredible cool. Here's what happens: The Emperor lies on the floor, while Minion stands at his feet. Minion grabs the Emperors feet (who is, luckily, wearing socks), and performs the wrestling move known as the Slingshot. Still sounds straightforward, right? Well, like one of those goofy Looney Tunes cartoons, we add a very hard, and immovable wall in the path of our now-airborn fearless leader. He then slams into the wall at some speed we haven't bothered to calculate. By hitting the wall in a particular (and as of this writing, patent-pending) way, our leader takes no damage, nor does the wall. The spectators, however, are totally shocked.They came from above!
This particular event can only occur at certain times of the year, as there must be a significant amount of snow on the ground for it to take place.Last year, a number of people were baffled by these strange-looking impressions made in the snow banks around the campus. It seemed as if a large airplane had exploded overhead, and all the passengers landed in the snow around the campus. We can bring you an exclusive report that it was....what? I'm typing here, can't you see that? Well..when you put it that way. Damn! You got blood on my laptop! Now I have to turn it off and get it cleaned!...
Sorry about that folks. It seems I am no longer allowed to write about the antics of the group, as we will have given away too many secrets. I guess you'll just have to figure out the rest from here.
Dungeons and Dragons
Well..Minion doesn't know I'm writing this, and I hardly consider it revealing sensitive information to our enemies, so I doubt I'll get in trouble for this...I hope.As you have undoubtedly guessed from the title, the Minions4 is quite involved in playing Dungeons and Dragons...well, all except Saphir. Contrary to what you may have been told, we do, indeed, have friends other than those in the Minions4. By "friends" I mean "recruits", but we won't be telling them that, now will we? So, among our Dungeons and Dragons characters, we have an absent-minded wizard with a monkey as a familiar, an Orc warrior (ORCS MAKE THE BEST FIGHTERS!) as our master of arms, a Halfling Thief who weighs so little he can used in a fastball special, a paladin who is never around, and serves mainly as a "guard the prisoner while we advance the story" character, a dwarven cleric who likes to whack things with his whacking stick, an elven sorcerer with an afinity for Magic Missile, and a human druid who is always forgetting that he has very powerful spells available. Lastly, we have a huge, paladin-eating gazebo. (we don't, but it was a funny story-ask me about it sometime)
